Before I even begin quotes and commentary, consider the following: the man doesn't even have enough creativity to name the first chapter anything other than the title of the book...wow.

"A positive imagination is very important. It is a road map to success. No one would leave on a long trip to some unfamiliar location without first consulting a map."

S: My dad would...
L: As well as any other guy...
S: Is Dexter gay?
L: That would explain a LOT.

"I suggest a counter-attack! When someone puts you down, don't stay down, reverse it."

S: If I'm on the ground, how do I reverse it? I'm down!

"We need to be like giant postage stamps that 'stick to it' until we arrive at our goals."

L: I don't think I have enough adhesive to do that...*looks at bottle of rubber cement*

"My mom would encourage me, 'Yagers just don't work for someone else that good.'"

S: Can you say, 'shitty English?'
L: Did she also encourage you to use bad grammar?

"She programmed my computer in a very positive way."

L: It started up to happy music...
S: 9th Symphony by Beethoven

"Her words rang in my ears."

L: He has that disease Van Gogh had... meningitis!

"At first my little business struck people as 'cute.'"

L: I can't see him as "cute."

"I learned a cruel lesson. Nobody else will fight for your dream."

S: No shit, Sherlock.

"I thought they were my friends and would stick by me. The truth was they only respected the price and availability of the drinks."

L: Sounds like college.

"Imagine, the whole world was standing by watching adults gang up on a little kid's dream."

L: And then they beat it up, and it ran home and told its mommy.

"That's what I did. I hired help. We worked harder. We poured more drinks for the price."

L: Kegger!
S: Keg Party!

"We won the war, our competition ran away."

L: Are you sure it didn't just move down the street? Or maybe they were just running from your stench...

"They soon began to despise his 'holier-than-thou' proclamations."

S: But I'm holier than thou!
L: Hell, we all are!
S: Hell?

"Joseph allowed his heart and mind to become reservoirs of God's infilling."

L: So it's like a water landfill? Dude!

"Their mediocre, slothful ambitions looked poor in light of his."

S: Hey, I have mediocre, slothful ambitions!
L: Mine aren't slothful, but they're mediocre...wait, they are slothful!

"When they could no longer stand to hear their father and neighbors sing his praises, Joseph's brothers formed a conspiracy to kill him, and rid themselves of this obnoxious threat."

L: Does that mean we should get rid of THIS obnoxious threat? Hmm....

"They lose perspective of their overall goals."

L: Who would have goals concerning overalls?
S: Me...I'm gonna be a fireman!

"His [Joseph's] computer had been programmed properly."

S: I didn't think they HAD computers in Joseph's time...
L: Those must have been REALLY big!

"Another personal attribute that worked toward Joseph's success was his ability and willingness to start at the bottom."

L: It's fun STAYING at the bottom...
S: I like to sit on my ass all day...is THAT the bottom? It's MY bottom...

"I would willingly and cheerfully take their money to reach my goals."

S: So would I, but that's not the point.
L: Wouldn't we all?

"We sell everything under the sun, including a multiple line of household products."

L: Like rat poison?
S: What about people poison?

"Personal stagnation results."

L: What's wrong with stagnation? It's a comfort zone...equilibrium.
S: So we're all like that pond with algae on it?

This is one of our personal favorites.

"In my Charlotte home we have a seventeen-car garage with everything from a brand-spanking new Rolls Royce to an old classic, priceless silver streak model. Sometimes I'll think of the faces of my used-car customers and pat the hood, 'Now here's one you'll really like,' I'll say with a big smile. No sir, I didn't mind starting at the bottom at all. In a sense I'm still there because to fulfill my dreams I have a long way to go, spiritually as well as materially. Like Joseph I am determined not to allow anyone to steal my dreams."

S: What kind of an S.O.B. would sit there bragging about all his material possessions when he has to PAY people to take their picture with him and write him a note saying how much they love him? Dang! He must be paying them a shitload o' money to say they love him!!
L: Holy crap! I wanna get a piecea THAT!
S: I'm famous! Gimme money!
L: I think that "brand-spanking new Rolls Royce" would look good with a hammer mark in the hood..."
S: Isn't that the car in 16 Candles? Does it come with the hot guy?
L: I hope so!